Conversation Tips and Resources

Not sure where to begin? Here are some ideas to help you start a conversation about cannabis with your child:

• Show your support of health choices
• Set family rules early
• Be open and non-judgemental
• Check-in frequently
• Use informal times to talk
• Share the science
• Share the consequences of use
• Discuss the legality

• Get Input
  • Ask questions about your child’s opinions and experiences. Listening to their input will help you understand their basis of knowledge.
• Be Clear
  • Show you disapprove of underage drinking and other drug misuse. Don’t assume they know your opinion.
• Be Empathetic
  • Show you care about your teen’s health, wellness, and success. Reinforce why they shouldn’t use – because you want them to be happy and safe.
• Be Credible
  • Show you’re a good source of information about alcohol and other drugs, or that you know where to find information.
• Take Action
  • Show you’re paying attention and you will discourage risky behaviors. Ask about friends and plans because you care, not because you’re judging.
• Find Solutions
  • Build your teen’s skills and strategies for avoiding drinking and drug use. Address peer pressure and how to say no.

• Start having conversations with your child(ren) about health choices at a young age (the recommendation is to start before age 8).
  These could include conversations about healthy eating or exercise habits, safe decision-making, how to deal with peer pressure, how to find or identify credible health information, healthy coping skills and emotional regulation, as well as discussion of topics like substance use, suicide, or other risky behaviors. The more frequently you have these conversations, and the more you normalize an open pathway of communication regarding serious topics, the easier it will be for your child(ren) to come to you for help in their teen years.
• Emphasize the importance of health choices in everyday situations and call attention to prevention events like Red Ribbon Week or Teen Driving Awareness Month in January.
  Continuous conversations will resonate more with youth and are more likely to be remembered down the line. Something as simple as pausing a TV show when a character is using substances to briefly discuss it with your child, or talking after you hear an ad on the radio will work. There are many opportunities to renew the conversations with your child(ren).
• Set a precedent for your family by talking about what your family rules are (ex: curfew, no drinking and driving), and do your best to lead by example.
  Youth are more likely to follow a rule if they see that the adults around them are doing the same. For example, if you set a rule for your kids that they cannot use cannabis underage, but you yourself use cannabis, this may send a mixed message. Try to avoid situations where your child(ren) may see you using the substance, or if it is unavoidable, practice harm reduction strategies that follow other expectations, such as not driving after use or quantity control.

• As a parent or caregiver, you can use the ParentingMontana.org rack cards “Marijuana & the Teenage Brain,” “Marijuana: What Does the Law Say?” and “Why Teens Shouldn’t Use Marijuana” to start talking through information with your child(ren). ParentingMontana.org is a resource for parents/caregivers that has been created and vetted by MSU’s Center for Health and Safety Culture.
• Visit SAMHSA’s Parent & Caregiver Resource. Utilize their fact sheets and brochures to walk through information about substance use with your child(ren) as a good starting point, or download the “Talk. They Hear You” app on your phone for additional information and support on the go.
• Nemour’s Kids Health pages give lots of information about different substances youth may be exposed to. Learn about the effects of these substances, and how to discuss them with your child(ren).
• The National Institute on Drug Abuse has a section for parents and caregivers that will provide education on substances and the science of addiction and hosts examples of conversation starters as well. The “Mind Matters” series takes a deeper look into how the brain responds to different drugs and provides age-appropriate resources for those in grades K-9.

Asking permission like this will open the line of communication, and makes your teen feel empowered within the dialogue. Be prepared for a possible response of “NO, I don’t want to talk.” If this happens, ask why & have them recommend a time when they would be willing to talk.

Phrasing things in terms of legality also reinforces the idea that it is only legal for adults, not adolescents, and that you aren’t accusing them of anything – you are trying to prepare them with information for entering their adult life.

Asking your teen open ended questions like this helps keep the conversation going, and makes them think about other things that are legal but not necessarily healthy/safe. Alcohol and tobacco are great examples of regulated substances that have severely harmful side effects – such as health problems, DUIs, etc.

Starting the conversation with external perceptions of cannabis may be an easy way of breaking the ice. You could also ask about a news article, tv show, celebrity, or advertisement. It may be easier for your teen to open up about someone else than about their own opinions.

Repeating what you’ve heard your teen say before is a way to show you’ve been paying attention and using reflective listening skills. Asking about what would make it a big deal is a prompt that gets your teen thinking about their future and what may be important to them. Their answer will indicate what their boundaries are around drug use, and will give you insight as to what they know about the health risks of cannabis use already.

Avoid using phrases like “good/bad” or “disapprove” – this can cast shame and alienate your child from the conversation. Instead, frame things in relation to health: “healthy/unhealthy” or that you are “concerned/worried” about their actions rather than disapproving.

Prepare your child in advance by discussing healthy coping skills and activities that can be relaxing. Let them know that you are there in support of them, and will be available if they ever need to talk things through. They won’t get in trouble for asking questions!

If your child is already using cannabis, express your concern for their well-being. You could ask “What is going on in your life that makes you feel like you want/need to do this?” Talk through these issues with your child, and offer to work together to find better resources for coping – like yoga, reading, or sports.

If your child had admitted to experimenting with use before, you could ask how frequently they are using cannabis. Even though as a parent you may want them to not use at all, it is important to point out the positive — that it hasn’t become a daily habit. This allows the teen to feel like they aren’t a bad person or a disappointment and opens the door to further conversation about harm reduction practices or other coping skills.

Instead of telling them what to do when they are put in an uncomfortable situation, ask them what they might say. Brainstorming with your teen will be more effective than telling them what to do, because their ideas may mesh better with situations they have found themselves in.

Be truthful about the situation you were in. You may want to point out some of the negative effects this had, like impaired judgment. You should also point out that the cannabis you used in the past was WAY different from the stuff being produced today – today’s THC is much more potent. Explain that you want your child(ren) to be healthy, and with all the new research on how cannabis use affects the developing brain you don’t want your child(ren) to use.